Why 'Keeping It Real' Usually Goes Wrong

Everybody's been talking about being your authentic self. They want to make it sound like you can just do that as though it's just a choice.

I can't help but think of a Dave Chappelle skit from years back. It was entitled, "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong." He showed various people who believed they were "keeping it real" when really, all they were doing was spewing their uncontrolled thoughts out in inappropriate ways. They lacked internal as well as external boundaries — and then they had to pay the consequences.

Being authentic isn't about always being the same in all different types of company. It's not about always saying what's on your mind, no matter what it is. It's more than that. You aren't going to express yourself the same way to a room full of politicians as you would to the regulars at your local bar.

That doesn't make you inauthentic. It just makes you aware of your surroundings.

Authenticity is more of an internal act than it is an external act. Learning about who you are is how to get there.

It begins with the basic questions:

What’s my favorite color?

What’s my favorite food?

What’s my favorite place to go?

What do I like?

What do I not like?

What do I want in my life?

What do I not want in my life?

The more you continue to ask yourself questions upon questions, the more the basics build. Those beginning ones are simple, but they’re important — and many people skip them.

Over time, the questions get more complex and deep. Then they begin to press on the beliefs you’ve inherited. You start asking yourself what you really think of widely accepted ideas.

This is the turning point. Once you start asking those questions about yourself, you begin to ask them about everything — even about your own thoughts. You begin to notice: Why am I thinking that?

Getting to this place is a good sign.

This is what true authenticity is: getting to know yourself on a deep level so that when the outside world pushes against you — which it will all the time — you have something solid to fall back on.

You know what you want. You know what's acceptable to you. And you know what's not.

That knowledge helps you create boundaries for yourself. And that is the other part of authenticity: boundaries.

But boundaries aren’t about laying down laws with others about what you will and won’t take (excluding certain instances, of course). Boundaries are for yourself.

You can't control other people with your boundaries. You can only control what's happening to you.

Authenticity actually is this: self-knowledge + boundaries = authenticity.

So — do you want to be authentic without saying, “I’m authentic, I’m authentic,” and not really doing anything about it? Or do you want the real deal?

This is it.

Once you become truly authentic, you can learn what you truly want in life and finally be able to go for it. Because once you know what you want — what you truly want — you will have the strength and power to carry through on the actions it takes in order to get it.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Shubham Pawar from Unsplash