Boundaries Are For Yourself

Frustration is probably one of the most difficult things that I personally have ever dealt with. It is all consuming and feels much like my heart is caving in. How does this feel for you? Do you get yourself all worked up? When you’re in the midst of something that takes insane patience, what is your reaction? I know that for someone who has experienced trauma, things like this intensify even more. It’s because this is what we grew up with. We lived with this intense frustration of not being able to get out of a desperate situation, of not having any control whatsoever. It’s not as though we actually have control over most things anyway, but most of us at least genuinely believe that we do. Even that belief can be grounding. But when someone has grown up with trauma after trauma, that belief doesn’t exist, so when the frustration happens, it’s all consuming. So, how to deal with this in a healthy manner? The answer is boundaries. Take stock of how important this thing is that you are trying to accomplish, How long it will take, and what other things do you need to accomplish as well? Is this the most important thing that needs to happen right now? Can this wait until tomorrow or another day? Can you schedule it in for a day next week and actually write it on your calendar with a notification? Can you find ways to shorten this task while still taking the people involved into respectful communication about it? Asking yourself the right questions will allow you to create the best boundaries for yourself. It will allow you to decide if you are going to stay up all night trying to accomplish this thing or if you’re going to set a time and say that’s enough. I can finish this tomorrow? I will tell you that the old me would have just plugged along and stayed up all night to get it done. Now I have boundaries and I really cannot express the gratitude that I have to myself for having them.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Andrea Piacquadio