Deep Self Expression

One of the most difficult things to follow through on for a trauma recoverer is to speak our mind in real time and to do so in a way that steps back from our emotional trigger response, but instead conveys the truth of what is happening in the present moment. This may sound easy, however, in reality, it takes quite a bit of Inner Work. Because, when people immediately speak their mind, it is often tinged with assumptions. We might ask “What’s wrong?” or “Did I do something to make you feel this way?” or “Are you mad at me?”. Maybe we take the angry route instead with questions like “What’s wrong with you?”, “Seriously???”, “When will you ever…?” or “What the f*ck?”. We may take the resigned route with statements like “I would expect nothing less”, “It doesn’t surprise me” or “I figured as much “. We could take the class clown approach with sarcasm or unrelated silliness. Though these are quick responses in real time, they are coming from the insecurity we have developed from the trauma we have experienced.

Until we address the underlying issue and commit to learning new ways of thinking and new ways of relating to ourselves, these patterns of unhealthy relations will continue. The underlying issue is how we learned how to respond to others. Each of our personalities manifested reaction in a different way. We found that one reaction seemed to alleviate the traumatic situation while others had zero effect or seemed to intensify it. Learning how to release our typical immediate survival reaction and open up to thinking in a new way will help us to gain confidence and develop deeper, more understanding relationships. Learning how to trust ourselves will assist others in trusting us in turn. Stepping back from our initial emotional response and asking clarifying questions with an attitude of curiosity instead of defensiveness, we can open up to a whole new way of relating. When we stop to listen and trust that the Truth is shared with us, (while understanding the other enough to know if they are capable of that at this time or not), we will transform how we relate to each other. Something surface can have the potential to become more or a long-standing relationship can reach a brand new level of Trust and Understanding.

Our viewpoints DO matter, but until we learn how to express them with the depth of knowing and transforming ourselves first, our impact will probably not be what we had hoped.

-Janice M. Burke

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