Judgement Is Just Gossip You Tell Yourself

When you get focused on judging other people, it’s easy for that to become your whole reality. You start scanning for flaws like it’s your full-time job — and eventually, that’s all you see. You stop noticing how you’re showing up. You stop thinking about how you’re affecting other people. It becomes a one-way mirror: you watching them, but not realizing they’re watching you, too.

But this isn’t a one-sided deal.

When you affect people negatively — whether you realize it or not — that energy usually circles right back. Maybe not instantly. Maybe not obviously. But it lands. And if all you're doing is focusing on what others are doing wrong, your relationships won’t grow. They’ll just loop back into the same patterns they always have. Because you are looping.

Breaking that cycle means becoming aware of your own actions. Or inaction. It means noticing what your thoughts are doing when they start running away with you.

And most importantly: it means changing the channel.

One of the most powerful things you can do is learn how to redirect your thoughts when you're on a judgment spiral. Think of it like this: thoughts always spiral. It doesn't matter if they're positive or negative — they build on themselves. One thought leads to another, and another, and another.

So why not spiral into something better?

Pick a different track. Something neutral. Something slightly interesting. You don’t have to go from “I hate everything about this person” to “I’m overflowing with love and light.” That’s not real. But you can go from “I wish she wouldn't do that.” to “Huh. I wonder why that bothers me so much.” Or even just, “I need to stretch.” Anything that pulls you off the old track and onto a new one.

Because once your mind shifts, your energy shifts. And once your energy shifts, your connection to others has a chance to repair. Even renew.

What would it feel like to actually be there with someone — really present — without replaying old memories or reacting to a past version of them in your head?

What would it feel like to treat every person in your life like they were brand new?

You can’t do that if you're stuck in judgment. But you can do it if you choose presence. If you practice being with the person in front of you, as they are now — not who they were five years ago. Not who someone told you they were. Who they are right now.

That shift matters. On the micro-level and on the global one. Because the world isn’t going anywhere good until we start checking ourselves.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by FiFi from Unsplash