No, No, No

When we’re in the thick of it, there’s nothing else for us. Our life is only about our issues, nothing else. Our adrenaline is always amped up on super high, way past what our volume is actually llcapable of. Many of us stay in this state for years. This is life for us. We want out, but there seems no way. 

I remember when I was in the thick of it. I remember the depth that it took me to. Codependency and addiction are no joke. The codependent and the drug addict are both addicted equally. They are both in the swirling vortex of never-ending drama, pain and suffering, the ultimate adrenaline high. There are some good times in it as well, but even the good times are laced with drama, pain, and suffering. I remember the addicts incessant need and crazed pushing. It was pure and absolute misery, and yet I had utterly no idea how to hold fast to the repeated “no’s” I gave him. I had zero boundaries and was completely run over. The word “no” would often come out of my mouth yet he just tossed it to the side as though I never said it. I didn’t have the strength or self confidence to stand by it then. I had no understanding that I did not love myself. When we can’t stand by our “no”, we will be perpetually run over and taken advantage of by someone who sees the opportunity. We will continue to be a magnet to them. This is just a cold, hard fact. Many of us might want the other person to just stop it. We blame it on them. Though, yes, it is them, even more so, it’s us! We are the ones that need to hold our boundary intact, not the other person. The state of being in that vacuum is all encompassing and quite often the most draining personal hell one can experience. If we don’t take small or large actions that tell our inner selves that we love ourselves, then rest assured, nothing will change.

So, if you find ourselves in the thick of it and can’t see the way out, start small and be persistent. Make small goals for yourself. Follow through on them. Make them small enough so that you know you will follow through. Keep doing that every day. Something as small as making the bed every day. Something that is for your betterment. When you stick with this and add tiny but healthy goals, over time, you will watch yourself transform, you will find strength and understanding to hold fast to your boundaries and be wise and reasonable in choosing them, until one day, if you choose it, you will find yourself in healthy, happy company instead.

~Janice M. Burke

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