Reaching Beyond The Pain

I had a guy approach me in the parking lot today. He told me he was a veteran and that he was homeless and could I spare any change for some food. I gave him what I had then I thought of the 211 directory here in New Jersey. This is one of the resources I list on my site. It helps those who are going through these types of transitions with all sorts of resources and places they can reach out to. I told him about this and the homeless shelter a few blocks away. He told me of a recent tragedy in his life. It was a heart wrenching story. He then said to me, in reference to the avenues of help I had suggested, that he was up here, and he held his hand in measurement above his head, and those types of people were down here and held his hand lower in front of his abdomen, saying to me, “You know what I mean?” Actually, no. I don’t know what you mean. This is such a big problem with so many of us. Traumatized or not. People get this complex and it’s not coming from a healthy place. It’s coming from a place of having to face who we really are and what has really happened in our life. Tragedies happen. Horror stories happen. Heart wrenching decisions happen. Every day people make decisions that harm others. Is any one of us above any of these things happening to us? I know I am not. I have had more than my share. 

Dysfunctional families have traditionally been taught to isolate themselves. Part of that means no help from other people. This can become so ingrained that even when we’re in a situation of life or death, we will think we are too good for ‘that’ type of help or that ‘we don’t need that’, not us! For me, I’ve learned (and am still learning) to reach out when I need help. I’ve reached out to different programs, neighbors, people I know and people I don’t know. As a matter of fact, I believe that learning how to reach out of the ingrained memory of the dysfunctional thought patterns, is more important than any other action we can take in healing our Trauma. Though we may have learned to reach out for one thing, other things, more emotional in nature, are equally as important. Without us allowing other people into our lives with humility, we really can’t expect to get very far. The people we reach out to are boosted up when they are able to help us as well, so it is never a one-sided deal. Learning how to relate in a healthy manner to others when all we have known is our own little bubble…well, it ain’t easy, but without it, we can find ourselves in some very dangerous and even life-threatening situations. We can find ourselves trapped in a never ending cycle of not facing our own Truth…of not transforming those parts of our lives and ourselves that brought us to where we are today. Without learning how to relate to others in a healthy manner, the lack of self esteem that causes us to insist that we are ‘up here’ instead of ‘down there’…that we are not like those ‘other people’ will never allow us to powerfully beat our wings skyward, like the triumphant Phoenix who has risen in the Beauty of Transformation from its own ashes.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by WIX