The Excuse Maker

He feels that weight again, that anchor, that unknown frequency that attracts him and draws him in. She is beautiful, smart and successful. Never mind that she finds subtle ways to put him down. Never mind that she is never satisfied. He knows that once he gives her the right things and does and says the right things that she will come around. He knows that when he achieves the success that she keeps talking about that she will treat him with more respect, she will stop calling him a loser. He knows she will stop triangulating his friends against him when they are in groups. He can see so much in her. He can see all of her amazing, powerful and beautiful qualities. He tells himself that he just needs to try harder. He just needs to make more money. He just needs to stop that thing that he always does, the one that constantly pisses her off. It’s normal that she goes through his phone and computer on a regular basis, he tells himself, she’s only feeling insecure. He just needs to spend more time with her. He just needs to stop spending time with his friends and family. I mean, like she said, it’s only fair, he tells himself. He needs to stop going to so many meetings. He needs to just be home more, he tells himself, then he would get to spend more time alone with her. If he would come home within 15 minutes after work like she wants, then she would be happy, yes, then she would be happy, he tells himself.