The Invisible Bridge

At a certain point in trauma recovery, we have to choose. What’s it gonna be? Are we going to continue to live life the same way? Are we going to continue to live the way that made us reach out for recovery in the first place? What’s it gonna be? Though it’s true that it does take as long as it takes from when we first see it to when we make the decision to change it, that doesn’t mean that we can keep putting it off and think that we’re still recovering. It takes extra effort, but the moving on from the recovery part of it, oh!, that certainly takes extra, extra, extra effort. It’s a mental and emotional leap of faith. It’s like in that old Indiana Jones movie when he steps off the cliff, trusting that an invisible bridge will be there…that’s the level of faith that we must have in ourselves in order to live the kind of life that we always dreamed of. You know, that one where we have a healthy, loving, respectful, stable and secure relationship; hobbies that we love to participate in and do so on a regular basis; a career that is fulfilling, and that we have become adept at; positive, healthy relationships with all those around us and of course, great physical and financial health. The amount of effort that we must take to claim these things, to claim this life that we want, will be unreasonable. There’s just no way around that. It will be unreasonable. But, for those of us that have been through mental and emotional abuse that included gaslighting us into disbelief of our own ability to have these things, that unreasonable Effort will be worth it. Let me ask you something…does anyone around you expect that you will live this life that you have always dreamed of, or are they naysayers who are used to you being in a certain type of desperation at all times? Wouldn’t you like to prove them wrong? Wouldn’t you like to prove your own excuses wrong? The desperation can continue with no end if that’s what we choose. But here’s the thing, it’s going to take the same amount of effort either way. Though it doesn’t seem like that because we are used to the desperation and the extraordinary effort we have to put into it every day, it is still, actually, an insane amount of effort. Wouldn’t it be so much healthier and wiser to put that effort into taking the actions we need to build the life we really want? I know, I know. But how do we get everything done? How do we find the time? Where does all this money come from that we need?

Let’s sit down for a minute and consider how much time each of our actions toward simple survival goals take. Try to understand just how much effort we are putting into those simple goals. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to put the same energy that we are using to accomplish seemingly impossible last minute goals for…(fill in the blank)(ex. Rent, dancing around a difficult topic that must be verbally addressed, making a difficult phone call, addressing paperwork on time, paying bills on time, cleaning, organizing, preparing healthy meals, getting outdoor exercise, taking care of continuous computer/software issues, the list goes on)? But something wouldn’t get done!, we argue. That might be true, but new things will get done instead. Those new things are the things that are missing. Those new things are the things that will change our lives. Ruthless prioritization is a new skill, but it is the most important skill that we will ever learn.

So just for today, what will change? Will we begin that dream project? You know, the one we don’t have enough money for? The one we don’t have enough Time for? The one we feel unqualified for? Will we go ahead and begin it anyway? Will we choose to look at it in a different light? Will we stop asking the same questions, step back from ourselves and instead, try to figure out new questions to ask instead of trying to solve old questions with old patterns of thinking?

I hope that we do. Because the invisible bridge will be there when we believe it is, no sooner than that.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Joshua Sortino from Unsplash