The Key To Deeper Relationships

When our role models were emotionally and mentally abusive, it creates within us an embedded reaction and understanding of the World. Because we learned that being direct and curious often led to either overt or silent anger, we instead discovered that it was safer to take the roundabout way, the indirect way or the internalized way. When we speak to others about the person in question and do it in front of or within earshot (often intentionally speaking loudly to be sure they hear), we are actually filled with fear of confronting the person directly. When we talk about "someone" with our eyes averted, but are meaning it for the person we are communicating with, we are expecting the worst from them often without giving them a chance. When we do not ask the person directly yet we “figure out” what the other meant when they said or did something, we are internalizing. All of these patterns work off of a false narrative of the person in question. Learning how to become curious instead of creating conjecture about others will help us to move past this. Being open and curious and then ACTUALLY BELIEVING what they say can be a transformative experience.

Who is this person? What do they have to say? Forget what others have to say at this point. Listen with understanding and appreciation, not distrust and judgement. There are things happening in everyone’s life and we do not know what it is until we ask with an open heart and an open mind.

-Janice M. Burke

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Image by Marija Zaric from Unsplash