The Radical Path Of Healing

Fears are scary things. They have the capacity to back you into a dark corner of your mind and convince you there’s no way out…and they are extraordinarily convincing. Like everyone, I have experienced my fair share of fear. I have gone through some intense fears that felt debilitating, and left me with a sense of it being completely impossible to shake them. But I have always been a person to eventually go straight to that fear and intentionally do it, (not every single one, of course).

After my divorce, I found my way back into hiking and camping. I had no one to go with, and finally made the decision to go myself. I remember I put my backpack and tent and all the supplies into my car and started driving. I was gripping the wheel, I was so terrified. Please understand that this was on the heels of coming out of an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. About 45 minutes into the drive, the grip on my steering wheel turned from terror to pride. I became overjoyed with myself, repeatedly saying “I’m doing it! I’m doing it! I’m really doing it!” I got there, put my backpack on with all my supplies in it (at least 50lbs), strapped my tent to it, hiked up the steep mountain, set up my tent and stayed for the night, ALL BY MYSELF. I did it. No one could tell me that women shouldn’t do this alone, that it’s too dangerous, etc. How did this affect me later on? It did. So much so that many years later I chose to drive and camp cross country by myself, and I did it several times. Every time I did it, people were amazed. They thought that women couldn’t do these things. They wished that they could do that themselves. This is just one of the fears I have faced.

It seems I’m not the only one. I once saw a video about this awesome guy who had a fear of being criticized and a fear of people not liking him. So he decided to become a soccer referee to try to conquer it. As he explained, he knew he would have to deal with those exact things. People would be getting up in his face screaming at him, telling him he’s wrong and just hating on him in general. As a referee, he was not able to bend to their wishes just to make them happy. He learned how to become more comfortable with people who didn’t like him, he became more comfortable with saying no. I just loved that story so much. I could just see him there with all those angry players questioning everything he said and then screaming at him like that, face-to-face. He said that one of them even spit on him! 

I wish we could all see the value in doing these things and then actually start doing them ourselves. This would change everything, absolutely everything.

Would anyone mock someone who has a fear if they knew that they had to go out and do the thing that they were afraid of doing? Would they still mock the other person for having a fear? I doubt it. Because their power would no longer have to come from trying to be better than someone else by putting them down. Instead, their power would come from their bravery and understanding. They wouldn’t waste a second on it. After treating themselves with this kind of care, by taking the time to help themselves heal from some situation, some trauma, or something the mind had made out to be something it wasn’t, they wouldn’t have the venom they used to have. They would probably become more understanding toward themselves and others. They would likely begin to live a more full and free life.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Lalu Fatoni