When The Conscious Mind Splits

Once someone lets us in on something we don’t like about ourselves, and we, (though grumbling) accept that it’s probably true, we grow exponentially. That “probably true” part is important. It’s like a slight blemish on a windshield that goes unnoticed until suddenly the windshield is split all the way across. This is how our view of ourselves can be changed, we present this new view with words like “probably” or “maybe” until that split takes place and the inner recesses of our mind where the truth resides, is available to us. It’s important to remember that changing this view of ourselves is extremely difficult. Our thoughts and our actions run on auto-pilot in the background of our subconscious mind. For us to yank that out so that it can be seen by the conscious mind is no easy feat. Once we do this once, it gets easier with each new realization. This is when our growth takes off at supersonic speed. The most difficult thing about growing very quickly is that when the realizations begin to roll in, there’s really no stopping all the other realizations from rolling in at the same time. When this happens, our whole life lays out before us and behind us and we  get a good look at it. At that point, because we’re looking at things that we don’t like, it can feel like our whole life has been a useless mess. These are the most difficult things to approach, realize, accept, and search for the tools needed to get past them so we can forgive ourselves. We will never get past them if we do not forgive ourselves. The only way we can do this is to make sure that we are not repeating them. Because once we learn that it’s there, any repeat scenario is on us, it becomes our responsibility to find and utilize the tools to change it. We CAN do this. If we have discovered those things about us and accepted them, that was the most difficult part. Though the rest won’t be a breeze, it will be far easier than that first realization. We can do anything after that first realization though! We were one of the few to have that kind of bravery… because it does take bravery.

So what will our next step be? Time to search those tools out. Find someone who has the right toolbox and talk to them about it. Or maybe we already know what to do, maybe we have already dealt with other realizations in the past and have found some very effective tools to use. I know that my go to tool for most situations is Meditation. Sitting meditation, standing meditation and moving meditation all ground and center me and help me better deal with those things I need to change about myself. The hard part is to rip ourselves out of our ingrained, habitual life and actually stick to new and healthy habits. Our negative habits are and have been our lifestyle. So we need to be gentle on ourselves when we don’t stick to it all the time, because it’s not just a habit that needs to be broken, it’s a lifestyle that needs to be released, and a whole new one needs to replace it. Even as I write, I remember how meditating for longer periods of time each day helped me stay out of my thoughts and inside of my body. Though I have been giving Meditation more time, there are days when I skip that and then it becomes three days or even more. When I feel my thinking getting off track, I know this needs to be implemented again, that I must put more effort forth to replace my old lifestyle with this new one I have been creating.

Be gentle with yourself, but disciplined with yourself at the same time. Take no excuses from yourself. There is no one but you who can make this decision and then actually follow through. You have control and power over your own life, but that’s only if you get down to work and stick to it. Get that journal out, get that Meditation cushion out, get that yoga mat out, read and educate yourself. Only you can make these decisions. Only you can change you.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Natalie Bond