You Grew Up Apologizing for Everyone Else’s Damage

Chances are, you’re not guilty.

I’m not talking about the things you are actually guilty of.

I mean the thousands of moments a day when guilt creeps in—and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Some comment someone made.

Some look.

Some offhand tone.

And suddenly? You feel responsible.

This isn’t rare for trauma survivors.

You were brought up to believe everything was your fault.

You were eight years old, being told it was your fault—whatever it was.

And the things no one said out loud?

Still dripped with the same silent expectation:

Someone needed to take responsibility.

And that someone was always you.

Why?

Because you were trained to carry it.

Trained to take on everyone else’s chaos.

And when you didn’t?

Guilt set in.

Hints.

Innuendoes.

Silences that screamed.

When they said nothing, you blamed yourself.

All of it trained you to take the blame for choices that weren’t yours.

You were dismissed.

Denied.

Gaslit into someone else’s story.

But now you can choose to see...

it wasn’t your fault.

You were a child.

You didn’t know you were being manipulated.

You grew up in it.

And now here you are—an adult—

still walking around thinking everything is your fault.

You see a trigger on TV.

A commercial...

and you feel guilty...

You hear a random word from a stranger and bam, another trigger.

And guess what?

You feel guilty.

But let’s be clear—

You. Are. Not. Guilty.

You were trained to scan the field for clues.

Trained to fill in the gaps left by silence and emotional sabotage.

Trained to study tone, word choice, posture, micro-expressions.

But now?

Now you’re on your path to reclaiming who you really are.

Stick with it.

Be patient with yourself.

There are layers to this healing journey.

And this?

This is just one of them.

Stay vigilant.

Be on top of it—for you, not for anyone else.

That’s who this healing is for.

You.

The version of you

who never got to exist

because you were too busy carrying what wasn’t yours.

Let them go.

Now it’s time to come home

to you.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Eric Ward from Unsplash